Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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