Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize