upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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