I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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