A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
