we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
