Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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