Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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