You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
