3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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