What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
