in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
