Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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