using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dude. I can hear the air.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
