You can't motorboat a personality
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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