Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
