she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
