I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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