so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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