Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
