the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
