I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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