So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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