i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
