I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
