I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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