I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
