margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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