now i know why i became what i already was.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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