I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
