If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just invented taco cereal.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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