i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
