Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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