I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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