Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm too high and old for this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
