my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
