you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
