4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
