This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
