Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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