If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We left the knife in your bed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
