my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
