Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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