I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
