i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
