at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
