Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
