I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
