i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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