Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
