I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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