I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
