She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize