guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
