this beer tastes like vomit already
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
