i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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