im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
