I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
