we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
