He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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