Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I smell like Dick and happiness
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