So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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