thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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