I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i believe in u and ur pee
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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