shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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