I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
