I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
